For all the progress updates in one place:
Progress Update: July 2024
Here are the books I read/listened to for my research during July 2024
The Good Life
Introducing: Lacan
Quit
Lost Connections
On Becoming a Person (Carl Rogers)
Scars and Stripes (Tim Kennedy)
Embrace the Suck
A River to Live By (Morita Therapy)
Unbeatable Mind
Resilience
Man’s Search for Himself
Albert Ellis’ Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable
Alfred Adler: Understanding Life
Alone on the Wall (Expanded Edition)
Confidence (from School of Life)
Do Hard Things
The Unexpected Gift of Trauma
The Power of Regret
Notes:
My favorite one was “Quit.” Annie Duke is awesome. She also wrote “Thinking in Bets,” which I loved, too. In Quit, Annie takes us on a walk along the fine line between perseverance and stubbornness.
We often hear the advice, “never give up,” but sometimes quitting (a goal, a project, a job, or a relationship) is the best thing we can do, as it frees up energy and time for better things. The hard part is knowing when to stick to a path and when to change direction.
Annie does a great job explaining the psychological biases that lead us to stick with bad decisions, as well as the risks and opportunity costs of not changing course when evidence suggests we should.
• The best book this week was “On Becoming a Person” by Carl Rogers. It is mostly written for professionals in the field of psychotherapy, but certain sections make it a must-read for anyone interested in self-development.
Rogers marked a break in psychotherapy with his client-focused approach and emphasis on the relationship between therapist and client. It was fascinating to delve into his thought process as he developed therapeutic strategies that combined scientific and empirical findings.
Aside from being smart, knowledgeable, and experienced (qualities that don’t necessarily come together), Rogers was also kind and caring. Of all the psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists I’ve read about over the years, Carl Rogers and Oliver Sacks stand out as the most devoted to their profession, as well as to their clients/patients.
• My favorite read for the week was “Resilience” by Eric Greitens. I’ve read several books by Navy SEALs on toughness, endurance, and resilience, so I expected similar content. This book was different, Eric did an amazing job weaving philosophy and hard-earned experience.
The book and the author are a great example of a life of reflection AND action, the blend I’m aiming for in my own life and the same goal I have for the book I’m writing. If you’ve read enough philosophy, you will be familiar with many of the big ideas in the book, but it’s nice to have some of the best concepts from Stoicism to Nietzsche in one practical narrative.
For those put off by philosophy because of the academic or hyper-intellectual connotation, “Resilience” will show you what applied philosophy looks like and how it can improve your life. The book does an excellent job discussing philosophy in its original intent: to help us lead better lives.
• Book progress:
This month marks two milestones. The bibliography for the new book is now past 200 books, double that of my previous book (the target/limit for this new one is about 400, otherwise I’ll never get the book done). It is also the most books I’ve ever read/listened to within a year (over 140 books since December), and I still have five more months of reading for a full year.
I realized a few months ago that I needed to go all in if I wanted the research part to take less than five years without compromising on thoroughness. But I still struggle every week to find harmony between reading volume, processing the information I gather, running my company, keeping up with other responsibilities, and having a social life (especially now that it’s summer in Montreal).
Reading volume is important for my next book because there is so much around the subject of ‘how to live’ and it’s something with no absolute answers but rather a wide range of perspectives, of which I should explore as many as possible for either inspiration, understanding, to find supporting arguments, or to disagree with and build counter-arguments. I need breadth to then turn to depth.
I’m also crossing lines between philosophy, science, and individual life stories so I can find threads running through what is thought to be a life well lived (found in philosophy), what we know improves life quality (found in science research and psychotherapy), and what feels to us as a meaningful and worthy life (found in empirical accounts and subjective experiences).
Once I bring it all together, it will be one of the most unreadable messes ever assembled or something worth your time. What I think will make the difference is being able to maintain control of the material throughout the writing and finding the right harmony between depth and accessibility, as well as theory and practice.
In any case, my job is to give my best, writing the best I have to say in the best way I can say it. My mantra going into it is ‘Focus on the process. Quality in the process will lead to quality in the result.’
I got good information from all the books I read this week, but if I had to choose one to recommend, it would be “The Power of Regret.” The book covers the different types of regret and the underlying psychology that feeds them. It also provides a framework to make the best out of our current regrets and minimize future ones.
The potential growth behind regret adds to the mounting evidence of the psychological benefits that can come from shifting time frames, such as looking into our past or thinking about our future.
Some spiritual traditions (and popular self-help ‘gurus’) peddle the advice that “we should think only of the present,” followed by the toxic and untrue “having your mind in the past fills you with regret and having it in the future brings you anxiety.” It’s one of those one-liners that sound wise but don’t hold up to scrutiny.
First of all, there is great joy in reminiscing on our favorite memories from the past, especially reliving them with friends. There is also joy in dreaming of our future and anticipating the good we think will come (even if it doesn’t materialize), whether it’s a planned trip or a long-term goal. Beyond that, reflecting on what we have lived (the past) and what we want to live (the future) gives us direction and guides our choices.
And for all that those people claim about the “present moment” as the be-all and end- all of happiness, sometimes the present can be so unbearable that switching time frames is all that can help us endure it (Think Viktor Frankl in the concentration camp holding on to his life by thinking of recreating his manuscript and seeing his loved ones again one day, or think of any half-decent form of therapy where a view towards a possible better future and the question of “what’s next?” takes center stage in recovery).
But more related to our discussion, their advice starts from the presumption that regret and anxiety are all bad and to be avoided. Our relationship with our past and future, along with the emotions they bring out, is more nuanced than a clear-cut ‘good or bad.’ Many things that feel ‘bad’ are good (or can be turned into good) for us in the long term.
Regret highlights our values and points us to act better in the future. Anxiety shows us what we care about and signals us to prepare. Those emotions are not inherently bad; they serve a purpose, and we can benefit from them. It’s how we relate to those emotions that can be good or bad, not the emotions themselves. And since they are unavoidable, our task is to develop a better relationship with them, not trying to avoid them like anything with mint chocolate in it (now that is inherently and undeniably bad).